Umbrella Handle
by Schermionie
Summary: Isn't it just typical of the monster she's become? That even in the midst of a dance of two beautiful people, Misa can only hate.: A oneshot look at the Misa/Light/L relationship, through Misa's eyes.


**Disclaimer:** Death Note is owned by Takeshi Obata and Tsugumi Ouba.

**A/N:** Blame all the Misa angst fics I was reading last night for this one. I really like Misa, though: her story is a sad one and I think she's deeper than a lot of people realise. Hopefully she isn't OOC here, I just feel like she must hold an awful lot back.

Enough rambling, though: please, please review. Posting angst, particularly, kind of scares me...

* * *

misa is a keyring attached to matsuda's phone.

A caricature of herself attached to others with mere, thin string. But what she really wants is to be tied to another essential (because in her God-forsaken world a God is essential and Kira is God), because even if she's just a puppet ready to be cut away Light is all that she has now.

l is a handcuff, a chain.

A jagged surface that keeps L the detective connected to Light, to Kira, to what he chases.

But even when they're bound with it Misa still sees them fight, because L owns Light's passion, steals it from Misa and she hates.

misa is an umbrella handle.

Two people share the umbrella but only one has to hold her -- the other completely forgets what a chore that is.

Sometimes, even though Misa-Misa is so often in the limelight, it feels like they forget that Misa's even there.

And like the drawing of an umbrella on a graffitied wall, the symbol of a Japanese love, Misa's name is washed away before Light's, just leaving him as L watches on because L is everywhere everywhere everywhere.

But then even without the handle holding things up, Light comes out perfect and shining while Misa has to conceal her rottenness with red lipstick and a cheerful smile.

And L is everywhere everywhere everywhere.

l is the weatherman.

He controls Light's moods with his actions and words, igniting Light like Misa can't.

And even when he's wrong Misa doesn't have the same power: she's only a useful tool after all, useful because Light can take things out on her and she just keeps coming back for more.

misa is a pencil's lines.

The result of a writing instrument that is helping to write history -- but it can easily be rubbed out.

And as Light holds her in his palm Misa becomes the fragile pencil and she knows that he can and will snap her in half one day. But she doesn't care right now because he's holding her.

l is the paper.

L is the reason. What Light bears down upon and uses and caresses in his dreams and waking hours -- because his caress is a cruel one and Misa, at least, knows that.

And one day Misa, at least, knows that L will run out.

Misa is a liar.

misa is a dance step.

Part of the routine that Light has carved out for her -- just a part of the design he has made for everyone.

And even if it's true that every step is important, if she were to stumble, even slightly, Misa gets the feeling that Light would continue smoothly anyway, never missing a step of his own -- that no matter how convincing her lies to herself are, her part is but a small one.

l is a choreographer.

He changes the pace and steps of the dance and sweeps Light away from Misa, and Light loves it and hates it but Misa just hates.

And isn't that just typical of the monster she's become? That even in the midst of a dance of two beautiful people, Misa can only hate.

misa is paint on an already used canvas.

She's something that spoils with the pretext of beauty.

And what she gives to the world -- she realises when L is cold and buried and Light is satisfied smile over grief -- is not so easily erased after all. Changes like the ones that she and Light bring can't be reversed.

But L is still everywhere everywhere everywhere and Misa cries cries cries and Light doesn't even notice.

l was something new -- a new paint on a blank and ready canvas.

Misa watches as Light slips away, away, away, as he becomes lax without the one person who had ever challenged him, the one rich taste in a life where Light had eaten only ashes.

And now L is ashes and Light has sex with her and they fool everyone -- but she's still just a single step, faint lines, unexciting. No matter how long she stares in the mirror her hair can't be black and wild, and she can't _won't _let Light see that she hasn't been sleeping because she has to be beautiful for him, can't be anything else.

What else can she do that L no longer does?

misa is nothing more than a faint cry in darkness. Fragile and easily ignored. 


End file.
